In
the last moments before death, your life will flash before your eyes.
I was once told this by someone I cherish. It's true. I figured this
out as I felt the murky river water gurgle down my throat and fill my
lungs, my eyes felt heavy, I couldn't breath. Trapped.
The
first flashback was of when I was five, in my first home, small, with
only six other children excluding myself. Unfortunately for me, I was
eldest and this home only catered for children ages one to five, I
knew I would leave soon, and this wasn't my last move.
Suddenly
I flashed back to the day I was left there on the doorstep, a small
three year old. At the time I didn't know she was leaving my there
forever, I believed that she didn't want to leave me and that,
eventually, she would come back for me. I'll never forget her back as
it faded away.
Next
I jumped forward to when I was 9 and I was stood on my primary school
play ground at the end of the day, watching all the children running
towards their mothers and fathers. I remember the boy who stood next
to me, he was only 6 and had joined our home recently. He looked
defeated. A feeling came over me and I remember very clearly turning
towards him, and saying “lets go and find 'our family'” he
grasped my hand so tightly then beamed a smile towards me, it was the
first I had seen him smile since he had moved. He caused me to smile.
Kain grew up like my little brother and, me, like his big sister.
That little boy's smile will never be erased from my memory.
I
flashed to the day I had to leave the second home and a 9 year old
Kain and how he said “I'll never forget you!” I remember how much
we both cried, how red his chubby cheeks got. Even how as I left he
chased the car for as long as he could as I was driven away, and,
even now, I still have that homes number in my memory as if was
printed there.
I
next jumped forward to a 15 year old me, I was sat at the back of my
English class, feet on the desk and leaning against the wall on two
legs. Our teacher had set us the task of writing a essay on a typical
week at home, of course this was easily done – well for 'normal'
kids anyway. I just sat and drew in the back of my book, personally I
have always preferred to express myself in art, rather than speech.
I'll always remember the regular detentions with Miss Heather.
Now
an image 3 years on, this was the day I found her... my mother. I was
in my forth home now, I was in my room, decorating my walls as I
pleased. I had drawn everything I cherished, including the woman who
left me on the doorstep, 15 years ago. I heard a knock on the door,
it was a social worker. He looked concerned. He raised his head
“We've found her. She is ill and is in her last days, and has
requested to see you, but the final decision is completely up to you.
So? What do you want to do?” of course I accepted. I hadn't seen
this woman in 15 years, and she wasn't what I expected. She looked
unbelievably pale and frail, like an old lady. It turned out that all
she wanted to say was that she was sorry and how, on her death bed,
her whole life was flashing before her eyes. I stayed that night, the
night she died.
Finally,
I flashed to only minutes before, on the road above from where I
currently struggled. I was on my way home in my truck and I was
crying so much, tears for a women I never knew. “Sorry my darling.
Sorry for everything!” I suddenly lost control and spinning off
towards the river. Splash! I could feel the freezing water fill the
cabin, I prepared myself to be with her one last time...
In
the last moments before death, your life will flash before your eyes.
I was once told this by someone I cherish. It's true.
